| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|08:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Once In a Lifetime - Wolfsheim | ] |
It's been a while since I recommended anything on system recordings. dungeon master's guide I think...but this one comes with a disclaimer. The new(ish) Jen Lasher + Baby Anne double cd. The first one is Baby Anne, is breaks and is literally disposable...you can truly throw it out, because the Jen Lasher CD is simply awesome. Seriously one of the best CD's ever by a DJ. Oh and the cover is cheesy as hell.
So I went to see Gunther Van Hagens' "Bodyworlds 2" or Korperwelten. http://www.koerperwelten.de/en/pages/home.asp
Truly fantastic stuff. Some see science, some see art. I saw both. I saw my death. I saw dead babies. I held a brain. I saw parts of people that I only felt through skin before.
Me and Eric made it 6 years today (barely). I'm having a really down day and i think it's the lack of nicotine. We also finished with the patch today. Things have been really tough for us lately...probably worse than they have ever been. In some ways we are happier than we have ever been. In others still there are some things you cannot "unsay". With that I will stop before I say one of them.
Job is getting there. Car is bad. Self esteem is fair. Stress is higher than it has been. Friendships are going well. Losing weight is going nowhere. The only problem with curbing avoidence behaviors is it's hard to keep your mind offa shit. Yes I know what I just said and the "solution" to the problem...just deal with shit right? Yeah fuck you too.
With that out of the way quitting smoking hasn't really affected me. Unless you count being able to breathe and walk and sleep and fuck and drink and eat and smell and concentrate as something. I forgot how it was to live....but haven't forgotten why I was avoiding it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|08:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | leftoversound - defect | ] |
So, I'm still not smoking...I'm on step 2 of the patch. By the end of the month I'll be an "ex-smoker". I started eating better, treating myself better mentally, stopped the bullshitty bullshit, I'm training to be a manager at work (because my truck needs repairs and can't be used for delivery), and I have pretty much stopped listening to "dance" music. I think the last part is just a phase though. It's been a rough month but I think I'm better for it. Maybe.
"So when you see me on the real, forming like voltron, remember I got deep like a baby seal." - Wu
Can I just say, and I know it has been said before, that the campfire headphase is one of the most amazing albums ever, by anyone. I know alot of critics disagree...saying it's nothing new for the boards...I call bullshit. I challenge anyone who thought it had all been done before to put that shit on some real headphones, close thier eyes, listen, and breathe. It's like finding a psychedelic savings bond in your brain. The only thing that bothers me is I can't figure out what song is fractured and playing in the background of "peacock tail"...I hear another song, toward the end, but what the fuck is it? It almost sounds like Roger Waters yelling...but it's not, I don't think. It reminds me of listening to a T.V. from another room as a child. I fact I can see myself there. Memories rush back as if I never forgot them. Even though I had.
My dreams have stopped being boring and started being really intense. Last night I woke up 3 times before I woke up. Each time I made the conscious decision to wake up and tell Eric my dream...and each time was denied. My favorite was the one where I woke up and was trying to call him on a payphone and tell him, but the line went dead...I realized I was still asleep when I was no longer outside and three guys who looked like Boss Hog were running at me in a factory. I got scared and did a backwards sommersault through planes and landed in my bed awake...at least I thought...but NO...it's never that easy...i was still asleep...dreaming I was awake. Bloody hell. If this is how healthy people live they can keep it! Gimmie back my smoke filled haze! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|07:41 pm] |
7 WORDS
I'll never be the same, breaking decency
Don't be tree trunk, don't fall on my living roots
I've been humming too many words
Got a weak self esteem
That's been stomped away from every single dream
But it's something else, that brought us feaze
Keep it all inside, until we feel we can't unleash
I think that you made it up
I think that your mind is gone
I think you shouldn't glorified - Now your wrong!
Suck (12x)
They fuck with my head
Suck (10x)
Suck it...bitch!!!
You and me are here alone
Face flat along the edge of the glass
But I'm not here to preach, I'm just sick of thugs
My parents made me strong to look up that glass
So why should I try, act like I'm a little pissed off
With all that shit that needs to stay back in the shell
Your fuck ass made it up
Ah, your fucking mind was gone
Should've never glorified - Now your right!
Suck (12x)
They fuck with my head
Suck (10x)
Suck it...bitch!!!
Because you don't know me, shut up you don't know me
Squeal like a pig when you big fuckin', big fuckin'
Aappee!!!
Well I'll tell you about my smoke stack
What's coming back jack we'll turn back
Curse for in their words, Tell them that you fucking heard
I mean, they know that's what's coming, nigga
I thinking 'bout something naughty, and won't tell anybody
So thinking of me by now but you go grab it
I'd like to think, for who I down this shit, I belong where they be
'Cause we can not get back those lives
We exist to cease - understand
God hates blacks shades and all the players
Mr. P.I.G. cause I fuckin' see
Sure already done crushed, all of my brothers dignity
And to the jury, can't be no turns on my skin looks colored
Does that mean I'm burnt?
'Cause your fuck ass made it up,
Your fuckin' mind was gone
Should've never glorified - Wrong!
Suck! (12x)
They fuck with my head
Suck! (10x)
Suck you bitch!
Bye! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2006|12:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | irritated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Deftones - The Chauffeur | ] |
"The Chauffeur" - by Duran Duran
Out on the tar plains, the glides are moving
All looking for a new place to drive
You sit beside me, so newly charming
Sweating dew drops glisten, freshing your side
The sun drips down bedding heavy behind
The front of your dress all shadowy lined
And the droning engine throbs in time
With your beating heart
Sing Blue Silver
Way down the lane away, living for another day
The aphids swarm up in the drifting haze
Swim seagull in the sky
Towards that hollow western isle
My envied lady holds you fast in her gaze
The sun drips down bedding heavy behind
The front of your dress all shadowy lined
And the droning engine throbs in time
With your beating heart
The sun drips down bedding heavy behind
The front of your dress all shadowy lined
And the droning engine throbs in time
With your beating heart
Sing Blue Silver
And watching lovers part, I feel you smiling
What glass splinters lie so deep in your mind
To tear out from your eyes
With a word to stiffen brooding lies
But I'll only watch you leave me further behind
The sun drips down bedding heavy behind
The front of your dress all shadowy lined
And the droning engine throbs in time
With your beating heart
The sun drips down bedding heavy behind
The front of your dress all shadowy lined
And the droning engine throbs in time
With your beating heart
Sing Blue Silver
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today is one of those days that reminds me why I used to smoke. Minimum wage going up has done nothing for me considering they just cut store hours and force breaks to make it up. I end up working an extra day a week just to make what I made before. The heat in the truck is going and I can't tell the boo cause he'll probably breathe fire and and rip my nuts off. I got into an argument with him tonight about drag queens...long story. Then I get home to a dog that won't stop barking at midnight...MY STUPID DOG! I wish it were the neighbors dog so I could bitch about it...all I can do is scream and add to the noise. Nothing like a neighbor that yells obscenities, over a barking dog, barking over music. I would kick my ass if I were my neighbor. My neck is real sore again and between that and the patch I have slept very little the past two weeks.
I need some something you know? You ever get that feeling? It's not sex. It's not cigarettes. It's not alcohol or drugs. it's not alot of things. I just don't know what it is. I can't place it. oh yeah...SLEEP! The patch sucks and this is why... I have never dreamed so damn much in my life. To all those people who love dreams...you can have mine. Have i become that boring of a fuck that even my most vivid dreams are boring as shit? Just run of the mill lame shit ...work, people trying to hurt my feelings, smoking, driving, people trying to rip me off, more smoking. Then you wake up like you just had the wickedest thing happen. Only to remember it was stupid and not be able to fall back asleep anyway. They seem to be able to happen in mere minutes of falling asleep too. Like those falling dreams I used to have in high school...only there is no emotion in them anymore.
I started a song. It goes...
I need to start a band, get a fuckin' tattoo, and become transgendered bisexual.
I need to make a fist and stick it in the behind of someone who thought I was intellectual.
I need to change it up, not keep it down, I think I will write a screenplay or some theatre.
or tell me I should just go on a binge and take a shit inside your mommas winter beater. (it's a car).
Good innit. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|01:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | weird | ] |
No matter what I do Opie is directing. Yay for the original ginger kid!!! |
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| no day but today.... |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|08:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Boards Of Canada - The Campfire Headphase | ] |
so we quit smoking for new years, (among other resolutions uncluding eating better and exercise, drinking more, and more anonymous sex, hey, you have to balance it out right?) and for the first day so far I truly feel like myself. I went record shopping. I went CD shopping, I almost went to see Rent and decided not to because I was sick of being in Niagara Falls...there is truly something wrong with the people who live there. Guess I'll just have to listen to the soundtrack and picture the movie...yea that is pretty gay of me huh? Anyway, I got Campfire Headphase on wax, and the new Deftones cd/dvd, and Dog Fashion Disco - Committed to a bright future. Media Play is going out of buisness (so that mall stores can control what you buy), and all Cd's are half off...not much left though, and even less good games.
There really isn't a big point to this post except that I want a cigarette so bad I could strangle a disabled baby to get one. O.k. it passed. I'm on the patch so there really is nothing I can do about it anyway. It's GOING to work this time. If I have to drink a case of beer a day, it will work. Eric thinks I may be replacing tobacco with alcohol...I say I'm just getting too drunk to drive and get cigarettes...it works trust me. Now that he's not home I'm gonna eat everything left in the house that is bad. Heh. Maybe later I'll eat handfuls of expresso beans. Some people would argue that all these things are triggers to smoke again. I say they are all I have left...drinking liquor and lattes until I piss my pants. At least I don't smoke. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|07:04 pm] |
|
Best gift this year! Right now I'm drinking one of these, thinking of Alex. It's the perfect temperature and most enjoyable. Cheers. I'm calling you.
 |
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| I'm not feeling it. |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|12:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | see below | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Abba's "gimmie gimmie gimmie" Thanks to Madonna | ] |
Getting gifts. Giving gifts. Gay sex. Gay bars. Lust. Breakbeats. Progressive house. Sloth. Getting drunk. Prudence. Canada. Gluttony. Meeting new people. Self pity. Being a smart ass. Electro. Justice. Pride. Mixing Records. Being cold. Buying records. Drugs. Progressive trance. Making beats. Anger. Temperance. Playing with the dog. Hip hop. Live music. Visiting friends. IDM. Faith. Hope. Spending time with family. Cleaning. Envy. Decorating. British people. Charity. Working. Shopping. Drum & bass. Being hot. Hot boys. Fortitude. Watching T.V.. Greed. Getting off of the couch or out of bed. Not getting off the couch or out of bed.
I'm just not feeling any of it. Which leads me to wonder...what am I feeling? Very little it seems. Flickers of compassion, and ghost images of self pity on an old school big screen that I'm still watching even though it's been dead air for months.
I am waiting for my show to come back on. Will the next scene contain some shocking cliff-hanger? or a suprise ending? or did I turn it off by falling asleep on the remote. Maybe I should make a sandwich during the commercial break and pray it's not over. Am I even hungry anymore? I wish I had a clock to tell me how much time is left, or if it will come back on at all. These old sets are tempermental...i might just have to kick it really hard. i'll try that. |
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| How I have been feeling for the last month... |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|12:45 pm] |
retrovertigo by mr. bungle
Before you advertise
All the fame is implied
With no fortune unseen
Sell the rights
To your blight
Time-machine
While I'm dulled by excess
And a cynic at best
My art imitates crime
Paid for by
The allies
So invest
Now I'm finding truth is a ruin
Nauseous end that nobody is pursuing
Staring into glassy eyes
Mesmerized
There's a vintage thirst returning
But I'm sheltered by my channel-surfing
Every famine virtual
Retrovertigo
A tribute to false memories
With conviction
Cheap imitation
Is it fashion or disease?
Post-ironic
Remains a mouth to feed
Sell the rights
To your blight
And you'll eat
Now I'm finding truth is a ruin
Nauseous end that nobody is pursuing
Staring into glassy eyes
Mesmerized
See the vintage robot wearied
Then awakened by revision theories
Every famine virtual
Retrovertigo |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2005|01:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the empty popping sound of a head cold...and wheezing | ] |
So I had one of the worst weekends ever. I knew i should have just stayed home, as I was feeling a bit sick anyways. Against my better judgement I got extremely intoxicated...and have now contracted some form of mutated lung monster that is resistant to vodka and trance music.
To make things worse I got a call from an ex co-worker who i haven't seen in a while. He was bored, me and Eric had left the bar early so we met up with him, and then some other co-workers to continue drinking. It occured to me as we were all together at our house that he dosen't know we are gay. He was one of those people at work that I never officially told because he had made it clear he didn't like fagshit or fag bars... so I made it a point to be myself (minus the gay) around him...the good old roommate routine...just so i could throw it in his face later that he didn't even know the difference. Or someone else would tell him and he just wouldn't talk to me. He got fired before I really got the chance.
At first I figured I would just tell him when it came up, but when he asked if me and Eric were brothers I instictivly said "roomates". It came up again in the form of him calling the other gay guy from work a fucking faggot. We just sat there. Every other conversation was fine...we get along fine, always have. As the night went on I realized we were literally hiding it. Correcting our "we's" with "I's", stuffing rainbow stuff and pictures in drawers...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? I wasn't afraid of violence or anything...I just didn't want a bad confrontation...and him speeding out of here yelling faggots...and hitting a tree. I wanted to just say "WHATEVER MARY!" (like we fags always say) but for some reason I just felt like I shouldn't. I didn't.
There was an air of tension that only I apparently felt. Eric was not bothered at all. In fact all he can say is "he makes alot of eye contact for a straight guy"...which means Eric was making eyes at him on top of it all. My co-workers were just like "someone should tell him huh?" I just sat there feeling more awkward than I have in a long time. I never ever thought I would have to deal with this type of issue again because everyone who knows me knows who I'm with....but i now realize that I'm going to continue to deal with this every goddamned day for the rest of my life.
I just ate a fortune cookie that said "watch your relationships with other people carefully, be reserved". Should I not eat chinese food anymore? Should I replace my blood with fire-ants? Should I try to piss on a single fish in a lake? I'm just too confused.
Chances are good, that even if he could accept the fact that we are together in private, there is still the reality that alot of things in our lives are gay also...like Eric's musical taste. It's pretty clear to me that we are not really compatable as friends if anything gay inspires a horrified response from him. So why am i so fucked up over it? BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE A PUSSY THATS WHY. In order to not look like a pussy I have to expose myself as a sissy. I don't even remember the speech..blah blah... I didn't ask to be like this....blah blah....I'm just like you,I just like cock instead...blah blah....still the same person blah blah blah! I'm far to fucking lazy for that. I'll just hope he got wierded out by the awkward silences and dosen't call for a while, and I can put off telling him forever, but he was supposed to show me how to use Reason...WTF NOW?!?!?! HUH?!?!?! my life is poop. |
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|
| random shit |
[Sep. 8th, 2005|01:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | estradasphere - Los Diaz Sin Diaz | ] |
my horoscope sums it up.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Aries, what I said to Pisces about the tiger ball soup also goes for you and your damn shark fin soup. Leave those fucking sharks alone. They need those fins a lot more than you need to feel adequate. If I was a shark that maliciously and methodically hunted down and murdered your family, I would understand, but those poor bastards were just swimming thousands of miles away from you and eating fish. That’s what they do. So stop with the fin soup shit you idiot, your penis will never be adequate because it’s the size of a tic-tac. God hates you, Aries.
everybody should be reading the beast http://buffalobeast.com/
no matter where you live. best paper on earth. they got a lawsuit for calling Tom Cruise an arrogant cokehead that only casts women for the purpose of nailing them...or something...good shit...sponsored by
I must post my nin remix here too even though only one person reads this http://www.myspace.com/arandomidiot
and YOU MUST HEAR THIS I have been digging it for a month or two now. I'm sure Trent hates it. Wait till the chorus. http://totom.perso.cegetel.net/Getdownonly.mp3
everything appears to be a go for New Years...if all falls into place that would be sweet.
http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/ is a parody of the other ones ...and damn funny...but kinda short
Do you see the same block message I do up there? HA!
I can't think now. Bwah!
Oh and this made my day http://www.scary.ru/flash/tomahawk.html |
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| jesus christ i'm old...because I don't even care |
[Aug. 6th, 2005|01:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
LABOUR OF LOVE 2005
Sunday September 4, 2005
ENTIRE COMPLEX
ONE NIGHT :: ALL ACCESS
GUVERNMENT
DEEP DISH www.deepdish.com
JOHN DIGWEED www.johndigweed.com
DJ DEMI
KOOL HAUS
ARMIN VAN BUUREN www.arminvanbuuren.com
MARK OLIVER www.markoliver.ca
BLANK & JONES www.blankandjones.info
MARCUS SCHULTZ
GRAYAREA (LIVE) www.graylabel.net
THE DRINK
ANDY C & GQ Ram Records, UK
HIGH CONTRAST www.liquidfunk.co.uk
SUB-FOCUS
MARCUS VISIONARY
LUSH
MYSTICAL INFLUENCE
RYAN RUCKUS
NATURAL EMCEE
CADDY CAD
THE ORANGE ROOM
ATOMIC HOOLIGAN www.atomichooligan.com
EVIL NINE Marine Parade, UK
DEEKLINE Botchit & Scarper, UK
DJ LOVE Stellar Music, US
D-MONIC Pure Phunk Recordings
ANGUS ROBINSON Moneyshot Recordings
ACID LOUNGE
DJ MINI
LEE OSBORNE www.djleeosborne.com
EVAN GRAY
THE DUKES
SKYBAR
ADDY www.djaddy.com
DEKO-ZE www.deko-ze.com
MANZONE & STRONG www.manzoneandstrong.com
EVIL P
BRAD GOLDFINGER Red Silver
OUTDOOR TENT
SYDNEY BLU www.sydneyblu.com
NATHAN BARATO www.nathanbarato.com
J-PREZ |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2005|01:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tipper-Dead Pixels | ] |
1. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FAMILY GUY CHARACTER: gonna have to go with the monkey myself
2. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RECORD LABLE: Currently? Tipper Music,Instant Noodles,Blunted Funk...anything that puts out tip hop music....like this CD...http://www.addictech.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=1207&atech_id=7f7a00717c92c7745c2a34c0805a9f6a
3. CHOOSE YOUR HELL, COUNTRY MUSIC FOR ETERNITY OR RNB : country..wait...is this the lesser of the evils...am I actually choosing MY hell...the one I'm damned to? I think the worst form of hell would be watching that new R.Kelly 5 part video...and not being able to laugh or mock it...
4. CHOOSE YOUR HEAVEN, INDUSTRIAL MUSIC FOR ETERNITY OR IDM: IDM
5. XBOX, PS2, OR GAME CUBE: XBOX
6. TECHINCS OR VESTAX: Technics although I have never tried anything else besides nu mark to make a judgement...
7.RED OR WHITE WINE: Red
8. FAVORITE BOOK FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD: My dad's hustler mags with the penis in them.
9. 80'S, 90'S OR NOW: 90's. i wish I was sober to appreciate the things I did.
10. DO YOU HATE FLIP FLOPS: flip flops yes. Sandals no. I finally understand them. Sport ones not birkenstocks.
11. COCK, KITTY OR BOTH: Cack
12. OGRE OR CEVIN: the jury is out...
13. SOUTH PARK OR SIMPSONS: South Park
14. DO YOU HATE SPORTS: yes...but I'm fond of cock. I have recently thought about fucking men who play sports.
15. ELEPHANT OR DONKEY: Donkey by default...this is similar to the choose your hell question
16. WHAT WAS BETTER, "WILLY WONKA" AND THE OR "CHARLIE" AND THE: haven't seen the new one
17. WHAT WAS THE WORST MOVIE YOU SAW THIS YEAR: All of them.
18. WHAT WAS THE BEST MOVIE YOU SAW THIS YEAR: hard to say. even with low expectations I am consistently disappointed with Hollywood (and Toronto)
19. ANALOG OR DIGITAL: Analog has anal right in it...i'm down!
20. MAC OR PC: PC |
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| in 3s |
[Jun. 24th, 2005|11:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indifferent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Strepsil - Smokey 3 | ] |
Threes, They say that bad things happen in them. So let's rewind.
1.I got a ticket for passing a red light
2.Eric broke his ankle out on the boat (we hit a couple bad wakes, Eric flew like superman, and fell)
3.The clutch blew out on my truck causing a chain reaction involving inspection and a $1000 ass plowing from the mechanic.
4.Most everyone who was going to Toronto with us backed out so we were going to drive to Atlanta Pride instead( and suck up the cancellation fee in Toronto)...it was all set up, rental car researched, had a place to stay, tour guide, etc., but the kennel we were going to use ended up being closed that week, causing all decent remaining kennels to be full, and me to wonder..."isn't this 4 or 5?"
So either some more bad shit is gonna happen, to make six or nine, or some of that shit was no big deal.
We are still going to Toronto just for 2 nights and on the cheap...no big parties, no crazy red bull consuming...just naked lesbian titties, sweaty hairy guys in leather, bad disco diva house(which sounds good drunk), and about a million sinners in one quaint little neighborhood. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|06:05 pm] |
List five songs that you are currently digging.
It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now.
Post these instructions in your blog along with your five songs
Snoop Dogg vs. Eddie Cochran: "C'mon Everybody Drop it Like it's Hot"
http://home.lyse.net/djprince/
Deftones:"Passenger", funny how stuff from a few years ago comes up and yer like "why did I ever stop listening to this?"
Mutant Yoof Project: "Malaga Airport" DJ Mutiny and Yoof come together for one of the best breaks tracks I have ever heard.
Nailbomb Cults: "Disney Core" We need more of this in electronic music..Terror Nerd Jungle!!http://www.nailbombcults.co.uk/nailbomb_cults_-_disneycore.mp3
Ed209: "Infectious-Distortionz Remix" - too much fun for one white kid to have... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2005|06:05 am] |
fuck everything I've said, it's all about Osymyso...
http://www.osymyso.com/
and abelton live, apparently, as I have heard too many amazing sets using this shit...including sasha trainwrecking with it...so you know it's live.... |
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arandomidiot's journal